


by name

by pageleaf



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-03
Updated: 2012-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pageleaf/pseuds/pageleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not really a conscious decision, but somewhere along the line, everyone else starts calling Hikaru by his first name, and Pavel...doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	by name

**Author's Note:**

> This is a suuuuuper belated Christmas present for the lovely, ever-so-patient [Marie Ciel](http://marieciel.livejournal.com), so maybe more of a birthday present (since it's closer to her birthday than Christmas). SORRY IT'S SO LATE, MARIE.

I.

The first time they meet is when Pavel is sixteen, and Hikaru is twenty-two.

Pavel is sitting alone in the mess hall, eating his food listlessly. The first few times he came to eat there, people sat across from him, sure, but never made any eye contact—and they never, ever started a conversation. A few times, Pavel caught people walking toward his table, seeing him, then turning right back around and walking away.He sighs ( _Boy genius_ , they sneered, even if it wasn’t to his face, and it’s true, but it doesn’t sound as good coming from their lips) and finishes his juice, getting ready to leave.

“Hi, can I sit here?” Hikaru Sulu says. Pavel blinks at him, wide-eyed. He knows Hikaru, he’s seen him around, surrounded by friends and classmates alike. Pavel saw him when he walked into the mess hall today, sitting with some other friends.

“I—yes, of course,” Pavel says.

“It’s just,” Hikaru says a little awkwardly, as if second-guessing himself, “there’s nowhere else to sit,” which is a blatant lie; Pavel grins, and gestures at the bench.

“Please,” he says.

“Hikaru Sulu,” Hikaru says as he sits down. _I know,_ Pavel doesn’t say. “Please, call me Sulu,” he continues ruefully, a slight emotion passing over his face. Pavel doesn’t ask.

“Pavel Chekov,” Pavel says, shaking the hand Hikaru— _Sulu_ , he corrects himself—stretches out.

Hikaru— _Sulu, dammit_ —makes a little “o” of understanding. “Boy genius,” he says.

Pavel winces. “Yes,” he says.

Hikaru grins at him, says, “Why do you look like that’s a bad thing?”

II.

Pavel is almost seventeen, and by now he’s given up on thinking of Hikaru as “Sulu”. He cannot do it, he’s decided. But, of course, he can still _call_ him “Sulu”—he can do at least that for him.

So when Hikaru’s mother calls him one day while they’re studying in Hikaru’s room, and Hikaru winces and looks more than a little embarrassed, Pavel knows better than to mention it; but when Hikaru hangs up, Pavel says, “And you, Sulu? What will you be doing winter break?”

Hikaru grins at him gratefully and latches onto the new subject.

III.

The minute they step onto the _Enterprise_ , there is a tangible change in atmosphere. It makes Pavel stand taller, even though his spine had already been as straight as he had thought possible. There’s an excitement thrumming through him, as he steps onto the bridge and sees Hikaru at the helm.

Hikaru turns and flashes him a grin.

But Pavel knows that while on duty, they have to be the crew of the _Enterprise_ —Hikaru can’t be his best friend. And so Pavel smiles back, but says, a little formally (but warmly, he can’t not be warm to him), “Lieutenant Sulu.”

Hikaru’s smile flickers for a moment, and something indecipherable passes across his face, but then he seems to understand, because he says, “Ensign Chekov.”

It’s the first time he’s called Pavel that. And it’s the first time Pavel succeeds in thinking of him as Sulu.

IV.

Of course, when they survive, Pavel expects it to be different. But still, when he finds himself saying to Hikaru (as expected) _We did it_ the person he says that to is _Sulu_.

“We did it. Sulu, we _did_ it.” And Hikaru falters, ever so slightly, (very, very briefly) and says unreadably, “Yeah, Pavel, we did.”

And why does Pavel have this guilty turmoil in his stomach, rising quickly into his chest? He’s just doing what Hikaru wants.

Isn’t he?

V.

It’s not really a conscious decision, but somewhere along the line, everyone else starts calling Hikaru by his first name, and Pavel...doesn't. But that’s all right, because nothing has changed between them. And why should Pavel change what he calls Hikaru if nothing has changed?

Except—something has changed, hasn’t it? Because right now, Hikaru’s drunk. Hikaru’s drunk and handsy, and Pavel realizes that he is really not equipped to handle this.

“Sulu—” he says pleadingly, not for the first time that night.

“Don’t do that,” Hikaru says (much too sharply all things considered). His hand is hot on the back of Pavel’s neck—or perhaps that’s just Pavel’s own blush.

“Do what?” Pavel asks, taking the easy way out.

Hikaru sighs, and lets him, taking his hand and its heat far away. Pavel thinks that’s the end of it, that Hikaru will let it go. Pavel doesn’t want to be asked _why_.

He’s not quite sure he understands the why himself.

+I.

But it doesn’t go away.

A few days later, Hikaru knocks on Pavel’s door, barges past when Pavel opens it. Hikaru turns around sharply, staring at him. Pavel stares back, feeling every bit the deer in headlights.

“Why do you only call me by my last name, Pavel?” Hikaru asks, something strange in his voice that Pavel can’t decipher.

Pavel sighs. “I thought—I thought that’s what you wanted. Isn’t it?”

“Not anymore,” Hikaru says seriously, frowning, “not for a while, now.”

“I’m sorry,” Pavel says softly. “You should have—I’m sorry.”

“God, Pavel,” Hikaru says, exhaling sharply. “Don’t be _sorry_. You’re right, I should have said something, it’s just. You seem so...distant, sometimes. Even more so recently.”

“I’m sorry,” Pavel says again, wincing.

“Pavel,” Hikaru says carefully. “Is that—is that it? Is that the only reason?”

Pavel looks away sharply.

Hikaru sighs. “I’m going to take that as a no. I don’t—did I do something wrong? Are you angry with me?”

“No,” Pavel says, turning back to face Hikaru, eyes wide, “never.”

“Oh,” Hikaru says, and then again, when he sees the stricken look Pavel is sure is on his own face, “oh.” He puts a hesitant hand on the back of Pavel’s neck.

“Yes,” Pavel says, closing his eyes helplessly as he leans into it involuntarily.

“ _Pavel_ ,” Hikaru whispers, some emotion in it that could be anything, could be disbelief, shock, fear (or wonder, but Pavel can’t focus on that, not with his heart beating so fast that it drives the breath out of his lungs).

“Hikaru,” Pavel says a little brokenly, and Hikaru draws in a quick breath.

“Pavel, open your eyes,” Hikaru says. Pavel doesn’t, he can’t. “ _Pavel_.”

Pavel opens his eyes. Hikaru’s smiling, so wide that his eyes are crinkled. Pavel stares at him, uncomprehending, until—

Hikaru kisses him, and Pavel keeps his eyes open.


End file.
